Monday, September 27, 2010

The Due Date

Yesterday was Charlotte's due date. How is it that I have a seven week old on her due date?! I can't believe that A) she is that old and B) eight weeks ago I was given some of the worst news I've had in a long time. I know it's weird but the memories of the hospital will haunt me forever. The smell of the soap that I had to scrub with every time I went to see her, the sound of the monitors, not being able to hold her, wires coming out of her mouth nose and arms. It's crazy how that impacted me so much even though she was a healthy baby. I don't know how I'd handle it if she were sick. I still can't believe that a baby born that early (which in reality is not early compared to others, they've had 15oz babies there and they have survived) can be so healthy and do so well.

On a strange topic, it makes my heart break that abortion is allowed at all when you see those tiny little babies fighting to survive and some people in this world don't consider them gestationally human and can therefore kill them. I wish all pro-choicers had to do a mandatory walk through of the NICU to see a tiny baby fighting to live and surviving.

I have found out since having her that my mom, sisters and Greg were practically planning my funeral as I sat in the hospital. I'm glad they waited to tell me that. I didn't realize how sick I was until I started feeling better. Unfortunately, I'm still not 100%, I'm still pumping out the protein. Thankfully my blood pressure has come down so that is a good sign. Really I am thankful that everything went the way it did. I have a gorgeous healthy little girl, I'm pretty healthy and Greg and Tea are doing great.

I have never been so emotional in my life. This little girl has done it. She has made me a softy. I'm even liking people I rarely liked before and crying over dumb shows like Undercover Boss. Seriously, what is going on, I would maybe cry at funerals before her. I guess almost dying (maybe not that bad, but I felt awful) and having a tiny little baby lay alone in a hospital bed has thrown my hormones for a loop.

We joke that Charlotte came early because she wanted to be with her cousins. She had three come before her, two within just days before her. This is a picture of the three born on my side of the family. Jackson was born April Fool's Day, Jamie was born 10 days before Charlotte and then Charlotte. Greg's brother has a little girl that we have yet to meet but can't wait.

And I had to post a picture of Tea because she has been left out both on here, facebook and in real life. She has not done well with it either. For example, she called me scum yesterday. Yes, this adorable little girl said scum to mommy. Oh well, we will survive this somehow.


Katie said...

Jessica-I'm not sure you remember me or not. I grew up in your stake and went to high school with you. I found your blog off of Laura Dillons blog and I've been debating about posting a comment. I hope you don't mind. This post really touched me. We have similar stories. I've had 2 babies in the NICU (one born at 26 weeks and one born at 33 weeks) also due to pre-e. I totally get what you mean about the NICU days haunting you. It's been almost 4 years since my 1st experience there and I'm still haunted by it. It does get better though. I promise. You have CUTE girls!! Darling. I'm glad that Charlotte is doing well. :) Hang in there!! -- Katie (Blake) Gailey

Lorrie and Mike Eckerdt said...

You're a M-O-M-M-Y through and through. Congratulations, you scum bag. You know you have done something right when your kids say, "I hate you!" or call you names. It means you aren't letting them get away with murder. HA!

mead family said...

I love this post! It made me laugh & cry at the same time:) I'm so glad that you and Charlotte are doing well (minus your protein). Charlotte is such a beautiful little baby and those pictures turned out great! That is so funny that Tea called you could be worse. She will get through this soon. Adjusting to a new baby takes time for all kids, she might take a bit longer only because she was an only child for 4 years:) I love you guys and wish I was closer. I miss seeing your face, LOL. P.S. I'm glad you are now a softy. Welcome aboard!

Anonymous said...

I am so glad you all are doing well. You mean alot to alot of people. Charlotte is beautiful and from my view looks like her big sister. And of course, my little Tea is just as beautiful as she was the day you guys left NY. She is a gorgeous and will always hold a special place in my heart (as will her Mommy). Tell her I said "Hello Tea!!!". Maybe she was talking about the bathtub when she said "scum"? LOL! At least she didn't call you a "scumbag"????? Love you guys!

Jessica said...

Kelly I LOVE you so much and miss you more. I hope we can reunite one day and you can meet Charlotte. I can't wait for you to have a little niece. Kids adore you and you were sent to earth to care for them I'm sure of it. Tea will remember you for always, I won't let her forget.

Thanks Anna! I miss your face too. Seriously, I really wish you were here. I love your kids and want them around me.

Mom, thank you. It is true. I guess she must love me if she can hate me right? I'll tell myself that.

We banned Sponge Bob, much to Greg's sadness, because she learns all that crap from that show.

Katie, I do remember you and I'm so glad you wrote. It's so nice to hear other mom's experiences. I am so proud of you for having another after the first. I'm done after this. I don't know if I could do it again. You are a strong person. Keep in touch. I will check out your blog if that's okay? Write any time :)

Katie said...

Jessica-I'm glad you remember me. :) If you ever need someone to talk to let me know. It's always helped me to talk to people about what I went through. It's an experience that completely shakes you to your core and changes you as a person. My blog is set to private and I'd LOVE to invite you to it. I'll need an email address though. You can send it to me at :)

DeanaJ said...

I wonder if those NICU memories that seem so vivid will fade with time. I am trying to remember the soap, and of course can remember doing the 3 minute scrub but can't place the smell anymore.
You have two beautiful girls, I am so glad all turned out well and hope you will feel 100% very soon.

estinger said...

I'm so glad she's doing well - and you too! Isn't it funny how you don't notice how sick you are until you get better - you just get used to feeling sick and that becomes normal! I love seeing the pictures of your two girls, they're adorable!

Diana said...

You have two beautiful girls, and I'm so glad their mom is still here! I have to admit it's hard to picture you crying at anything besides a funeral! But, I kind of think maybe becoming a softy is part of gaining wisdom and life experience!

Calerich said...

Scum?? I love it! I laughed out loud, I got yelled at for it too. Kids in bed trying to sleep and annoying Mom in the other room laughing - oh the nerve. :)
Your girls are beautiful! All of my pregnancies have had their own difficulties, the last was by far the worse.... won't bore you with horror stories. I just wanted to say that the hospital will stay with you forever! My Ashley (now 13) was put in Primary Childrens when she was 24 hours old, she was early and had urinary tract problems....ask Jared, don't want to type it all out. Anyway, yes - I still smell the soap, I still hear the beep of the machines, I still remember the dread of the 7 am / pm hours because no one was allowed in the NICU. We go to PCMC now for different appts and it brings it back. I walk past "her" hallway, and I think how grateful I am for my baby girl.

Jessica said...

Yes Janet, the 7am/pm's are so hard!! I hated that as well.